


New Year 69

by Esperata



Category: Batman (1966)
Genre: Multi, New Year's Eve, Party, Penitentiary, Romantic Rivalry, The Rogues Gallery (Batman)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28439532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: Its traditional at New Year for Batman to visit the Penitentiary in hopes of inspiring the criminals therein to lead better lives in the coming year. It is also traditional for chaos to ensue.
Relationships: Olga (Batman 1966)/Egghead (Batman 1966), Oswald Cobblepot & Lola Lasagne, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26





	New Year 69

Robin was of the opinion that Batman only upheld this particular tradition to avoid being roped into Aunt Harriet’s annual New Year’s Eve party at Wayne Manor but Batman was quick to correct him on that. New Year was a time for turning over new leaves and forming resolutions to live better lives in the coming year. What better way for a crime fighter to encourage that than by spending the holiday with those who most needed such motivation; the residents of Gotham Penitentiary?

Although it did admittedly also get him out of being paraded around Aunt Harriet’s circle of women friends. The only reasons he refused Dick’s requests to be excluded too hinged on the fact that there were some things it was simply inappropriate for a young man like him to be exposed to. Aunt Harriet’s party might be dull but at least it was morally unambiguous.

The traditional New Year's Eve party with the most colourful criminals of Gotham tended to be anything but dull. Batman always arrived early to check the preparations for obviously corruptible decorations. The punch was resolutely guarded but previous years had also taught them to carefully inspect the banners and balloons. Party poppers were outright banned.

Charitable donations from generous citizens had provided a very nice buffet this year that he hoped no guest would be cruel enough to tamper with. The scotch eggs did have to be confiscated though as part of Egghead's rehabilitation program. Speaking of which, he was the first to be escorted into the room, looking pristine in his white suit and yellow shirt.

"No uniforms Warden?"

"No. As an opportunity to remind our inmates of the pleasures from free society, it was felt best to allow them first freedom over their appearance."

"A wise decision. If we expect them to behave as responsible citizens then we must first treat them as responsible citizens."

While they were talking, a female guard had also brought in Egghead's paramour and he made a beeline for her.

"Olga! My darling."

She allowed his embrace, stroking his bald shiny head affectionately.

"Oh I've missed you," he declared.

"Yes, yes," she agreed brusquely. "But I'm hungry. Food first."

It was comical how quickly he snapped to attention.

"Then let me provide for you, my love."

As he raced over to do so she strolled across to the chairs and dragged one to a more pre-eminent position before sitting and awaiting her devoted subject's return. Even in this setting she exuded her confidence as Queen of the Cossacks.

Batman let them be, more focused for now with monitoring the arrivals. Bookworm was massaging his wrists where the cuffs had just been removed and glancing about with curiosity. Asides from the absence of a reading light on his hat, he looked just as Batman had last seen him, quite smart in his brown twill suit. He made for the punch bowl but Batman couldn't help but notice Olga's shrewd gaze assessing him.

A loud voice interrupted his viewing however and he turned to see a vivacious lady being shown into the room. Despite himself he smiled at her joie de vivre.

"Mrs Lasagne," he greeted her as she approached him.

"Oh now," she admonished playfully. "No need to be so formal. Call me Lola."

They were interrupted by another voice calling cheerfully across the room to them.

"Lulu! How good to see you."

"Penguin," she huffed in exasperation. "I've told you not to call me that."

"Nonsense," he returned unfazed, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "You'll always be little Lulu to me."

Batman left the old friends to catch up, distracted himself by the next arrival.

"Catwoman."

She turned with a supercilious look.

"Oh, it's you. Come to try and convince us to repent our evil ways?"

"One so beautiful as you should surely use your skills for good."

Her tough act faded.

"And who's to say your masculinity wasn't meant for criminal gain?"

"Perhaps someone who'd be willing to fund his crime fighting," a soft voice interrupted. "In return for a little leniency."

The feminine challenger was met with a hiss from Catwoman even as Batman inclined his head in polite greeting.

"Marsha."

It was unusual to see the Queen of Diamonds without her sparkle but he thought she looked more beautiful for the simplicity. Her arrival did alert him to the fact other inmates had obviously been brought in and he quickly checked the room again. Back over where Penguin and Lola had been chatting, he saw Riddler was now talking to her and that Penguin was heading over, no doubt to greet his friend Marsha. Batman took the opportunity to duck away from the glowering women and retreat to where he could continue his surveillance.

To his surprise he saw he’d also missed Louie the Lilac and the Mad Hatter’s arrival. Given the guard’s had appeared to be bringing one inmate from each side, male and female, he wouldn’t have thought to have been distracted so long. Glancing around he quickly tried to pick out the corresponding female arrivals.

“You look puzzled, Caped Crusader,” Warden Crichton interposed worriedly. “Nothing the matter I hope?”

“No, no. It’s just there appears to be an uneven ratio of men to women.”

He left the statement there without attaching a question, not sure if there was a question to be answered at all. The warden happily filled in the perceived blank.

“We do have slight unbalance,” he agreed. “Although a nice enough mix to be pleasant. One of the female guards accompanied Riddler in, just to keep the arrivals evenly timed.”

Batman nodded, happy to have confirmation that he had not in fact missed too much, and watching the latest pair of guests to be escorted in.

“That’s the last of them,” Crichton announced as he too watched the Joker followed by the Black Widow being shown in.

“Well then,” Batman smiled. “I suppose it’s time for my annual speech.”

He had in previous years attempted to give it immediately preceding the countdown to midnight but by then everyone was inevitably rather more antsy and less inclined to listen, if they were actually all still around to hear him. More than once one of them had managed an escape leaving everyone else to be escorted early to their cells. Nowadays he tried to start the evening with an encouraging tone to incentivise them to behave.

“Welcome everyone,” he called their attention to him. “Once again we are celebrating the possibilities posed by a fresh new year. I had hoped some of you might have been leading better lives elsewhere by now.”

“Didn’t we all,” Joker interjected.

Batman smiled politely but otherwise ignored the clown.

“The coming year has the prospect of being significant for us all. Sixty-nine.”

A chuckling giggle erupted from Riddler for some reason and Batman paused to share a bemused look with the warden before persevering.

“The final year of the decade. A decade that has already seen great progress in human rights, including those for women-” he heard a snort from Lola but at this point had buckled down to ignore his audience- “and technological advances as this great country reaches for the moon.”

Another interruption came in the form of a foreign invective from Olga that he hoped none of the others could translate.

“I would adjure you to reach for your own dreams-”

“A bit late for that,” Bookworm muttered.

“-and work towards bettering yourselves.”

“What do you think we’ve been trying to do?” Penguin complained loudly.

“With a little effort and support, you could all turn over a new leaf to become useful members of society.”

“Yadda, yadda, yadda,” Louie groaned.

“But for this evening. I shall toast to the future with you in the hopes that some of you will be inspired to follow the path to lead good lives henceforth.” He lifted his glass and watched as the others dutifully did the same. “To the future.”

His eyes found Catwoman’s again even before he fully lowered his glass but his path to her was promptly blocked by the approach of Penguin with Marsha on his arm.

“Wak, wak.” The rogue was biting on the end of his cigarette holder despite there not being a lit cigarette due to the penitentiary restrictions. “Batman! I was just reminiscing with Marsha about your time as an actor. You remember that don’t you?”

“Why of course,” he allowed carefully. “May I hope you’re considering returning to the profession of director?”

“Never say never,” Penguin dismissed briskly. “But how would you describe your experience with your leading lady?” He leered up at the caped crusader. “You enjoyed the role I would assume.”

Looking at Marsha proved she was playing coy, batting her eyelashes at Batman, and he tried to smile discouragingly.

“She would grace any screen she chose to appear on,” he offered tactfully.

They were all interrupted by a joyous call as a fourth person joined their trio.

“Batsy!” Joker slung his arm about the man’s shoulders. “You mustn’t hog the guest of honour Pengy,” he admonished even while leading Batman away from the group.

A glance back showed Marsha looked disappointed and Penguin was scowling at the clown. Batman quickly focused his own attention there.

“Joker. Did you have something you wished to speak to me about?”

“I had a joke to tell you!” he announced cheerfully. “Now listen carefully. How do two cats end a fight?”

Despite himself Batman glanced to Catwoman and then back to Marsha. Joker didn’t even give him time to answer though.

“They hiss and make up.” He pat him firmly on the back. “And you don’t want to get in between that.”

So saying he left his side to head over to Catwoman herself leaving Batman surveying the room again. Olga was still seated where she’d stationed herself initially but now she was flanked by Egghead on the one side and Bookworm on the other. Apparently she was earnestly engaged in discussion with the bespectacled rogue, a fact which was seemingly irritating her established lover. Batman noted he should probably keep an eye on that situation in case a jealous fight started.

He refrained momentarily however while checking the status of the rest of the room, and then noticed another possible problem arising over with Black Widow. She was standing quite aloofly, a cup of punch in one hand, but either side of her and obviously vying for attention were Louie the Lilac and the Mad Hatter. It was obviously another powder keg with a fuse ready to be lit. He couldn’t reasonably keep track of both situations and so looked for the warden to direct his attention that way.

Which was when he was reminded of his own more personal issue as he realised Catwoman had escaped Joker’s clutches at the same instant Marsha was heading his way from where Lulu had snagged Penguin’s attention, obviously roping him into her conversation with Riddler. He barely had time to lament the inflammatory nature of such romantic entanglements before both women simultaneously arrived.

“Marsha,” Catwoman barely glanced at her. “Looking a little drab without your glitter.”

“Catwoman.” Marsha smirked. “I was just coming to reminisce with Batman about our kiss. Or  _ kisses  _ I should say.”

The remark had the desired effect as Catwoman’s hackles rose immediately.

“What?!”

He raised his hands placatingly and opened his mouth to explain only to be interrupted by the sound of a chair being knocked over across the room.

“No! Olga! You said you would cherish my heart like you’d carry an egg!”

“Ah.” Bookworm straightened his glasses. “But one should not put all one's eggs in one basket.”

Batman could only hope the guards would intervene there as he suddenly had his hands full with the cat fight in front of him.

“Ladies!” he called as he helplessly tried to intervene without touching either of them inappropriately.

Perhaps thankfully he found himself being aided by the arrival of Lola like a ship in full sail.

“Girls! You should be ashamed of yourselves. Fighting over a man.”

Her positioning between them effectively curtailed their fight and Batman took a moment to breathe. A quick glance showed Warden Crichton had intervened with Olga’s warring suitors who were now being moved to separate corners. He looked briskly to where Riddler and Penguin were amiably talking, albeit about to be accosted by Joker, and then threw his gaze over to where the other contretemp was likely to occur.

“Catwoman,” Lola’s voice brooked no argument. “Go stop Joker stirring up more trouble. Marsha and I have some catching up to do.”

Both Marsha and Catwoman turned their eyes onto Batman who smiled apologetically.

“I think I’m going to be needed elsewhere,” he pointed out even as he sidled away to intervene between the other rivals.

He arrived with the trio just in time it seemed as Louie was squaring his shoulders and glaring at his opponent. For his own part Jervis had obviously forgotten he was without his hypnotising headgear and stuck in a situation he couldn’t back down from easily. Between them, the object of their affections was looking most supremely bored.

“Mrs Black.” He cut between the warring two with his conversation. “How are you this evening?”

“Utterly dreadful,” she complained. “A lady of my age shouldn’t be incarcerated in such a bleak place.”

“Oh I quite agree,” Hatter interjected. “And I am quite sure, if we combine talents, we could remedy that situation.”

Batman was about to suggest he might mean acting as moral support on their path to betterment but Louie interrupted first.

“See what I mean? He’s got nothing new to offer you. I on the other hand-” he rolled his shoulders demonstrably “-have got the wherewithal to provide  _ real  _ backing.”

Her long suffering sigh implied this was a repeating refrain and the gentleman under Batman’s cowl found himself moved to save her from her plight.

“Wouldn’t a more practical service be better proof than this verbal riposte? I notice that the lady’s glass is empty and her plate barren. Perhaps-”

He got no further.

“An oversight I shall remedy at once,” Hatter exclaimed with a dramatic twirl.

“Not if I get there first ya stuck up stuffed shirt.”

With the two temporarily distracted, the Black Widow favoured Batman with a smile.

“I believe I shall seek refuge with Catwoman.”

The remark caught him by surprise as he’d assumed the lady in question would still be occupied with Joker. Turning therefore he quickly found her and realised she was at a loose end. As Mrs Black sashayed her way across to have a tête-à-tête, he briskly checked everyone’s positions again. His first priority was noting where Joker had gotten to and he noted that he’d gone to talk with Bookworm. At first glance that appeared innocent enough but he couldn’t help but worry as he saw the pair glancing over to Olga and Egghead, the latter of whom was throwing evil looks their way in response. He held back moving in while completing his room check.

The Mad Hatter and Louie were still vying over the buffet but were at least now under the watchful eyes of the guards. Marsha and Lola had settled into an intimate conversation albeit looking his way too often to be coincidental. And Riddler and Penguin were still talking together amiably. Something about that last fact worried him and he changed his priority. What could they possibly have to discuss so warmly? Nothing that boded well, he’d bet. With that caution in mind he therefore walked over to join them.

“Gentlemen,” he greeted genially.

Neither seemed too impressed by his arrival and the working of Penguin’s jaw suggested he was chewing on his cigarette holder. A further indication that Batman had interrupted some nefarious plot.

“This was a private tête-à-tête,” he barked brusquely up at him.

“An odd place for a private talk.” Batman glanced around the busy room. “This is a public party after all. One has to wonder what you might be conferring about.”

“Never you mind.”

“Penguin, my friend, what has pointed ears and is often an unwanted guest?”

“A bat,” Penguin answered at once, earning a flash of a smile from his companion.

Undeterred, Batman held his ground.

“Surely it is the season of goodwill and reconciliation. A time when we might put past differences aside and work together to a better future.”

“We were discussing that very thing before we were so rudely interrupted weren’t we Riddler?”

“Yes indeed.” Riddler’s gaze shifted beyond Batman. “And you might try the same with your companion here.”

The realisation he’d been snuck up on disturbed him more than the identity of the person in question. As he turned once again to smile at Marsha he was aware of the criminal pair moving away to join Lola, who he assumed had propelled the self-styled Queen of Diamonds in a bid to free her old friend and his companion. Manners forbid him objecting however.

“You’re looking well,” he commented politely.

“I’m not at my best.” She shrugged. “I never feel complete without my diamonds.”

“If you’ll allow me to say, your eyes are more brilliant than any gemstones.”

The compliment won a pleased smile. Unfortunately it also garnered a hiss from his other side.

“Fool’s gold,” Catwoman suggested snidely.

Batman felt a pang of guilt at having however unwittingly betrayed her trust in him and threw a glance to the Black Widow who he’d rather assumed would have monopolised her longer. The answer to that discrepancy was unnervingly apparent as he saw Joker by Black Widow, grinning across at the scene he’d provoked. Despite the increasing tension in the women immediately before him, Batman couldn’t help but flash his gaze over to where Joker  _ had  _ been and inhaling sharply as he saw Bookworm and Egghead obviously also sniping at each other across Olga. There would clearly be no intervention from her as she smiled smugly at the men fighting over her.

A crash and curse drew his attention the other way and he noted with alarm that Louie and the Mad Hatter had returned to find Black Widow gone and were now in a contretemp of their own. He noted the guards moving to break up that situation but he’d been distracted too long and a flurry of arms in front of him brought his focus back. There was no way of knowing who’d moved first but both women had latched their hands in the other’s hair and were pulling viciously.

”Ladies!”

Ineffectually he reached to separate them even as he was aware of scraping chairs as the two brainiacs rose to square off in a slanging match followed by the glimpse of hats being knocked flying from his other side. Inwardly he cursed at the unfortunately predictable degeneration of the event bringing the guards in so early to take everyone away.

Then all the lights went out.

Cries of alarm went up all around, with the babble of voices continuing the scant minutes until the power was restored. As light and order was restored, Batman took a calming breath and called out over the confused crowd.

“Nothing to worry about. I’m sure this was no more than a blown fuse. If everyone would like to wait for Warden Crichton-”

“Everyone?” Joker’s cackling voice interrupted. “Do you mean everyone here now or everyone who was here to start with?”

He’d opened his mouth to respond but quickly realised what the clown meant. There was the Mad Hatter and Louie the Lilac standing looking disgruntled, Catwoman and Marsha were flanking him now set on ignoring each other, Joker was still grinning happily from his place beside the still bored looking Black Widow, and Egghead and Bookworm had cowered either side of their Queen who was stroking their hair consolingly. And where three people should have been left there was only Lola Lasange, looking like the cat that ate the canary for some reason.

He let out a sigh.

“It seems the evening will have to be curtailed. Again. If you’ll wait, the guards will start escorting you back to your cells.”

As the uniformed guards moved to start taking individuals away, Warden Crichton came up to speak to him.

“I’ll let the police know who’s escaped this year.”

“Yes. Thank you. Tell them I’ll be along when there’s a lead to follow.”

He deftly passed Marsha onto the Warden’s arm before he could leave, seeing as a guard had arrived to escort Catwoman away at the moment. Rather than risk inspiring jealousy from either of them again he instead made a beeline for the woman most likely to have answers.

“Mrs Lasagne.”

“I told you,” she smiled. “it’s Lola.”

“If you know what the Penguin and Riddler are planning-”

Her amused laughter cut off his plea.

“Oh I have my suspicions,” she answered cheerily. “But I’m not sure they’re really fit for your ears.”

“Please. Lives could be at stake.”

“Oh I don’t think so,” she countered even as her smile turned sly. “There’s a certain magic about midnight New Year’s Eve don’t you know?”

“They’re planning something for midnight.”

He fixated on that detail and mentally calculated how much time that left. Not long. Surprisingly, Lola laughed again.

“Oh you really are naive aren’t you?” She switched to a maternal air. “Can’t you think of any tradition two people might want to indulge in on the stroke of midnight?”

Unintentionally his mind went back to the two women vying for his attention and a smile quirked at the corner of his lips.

“Well there is one that comes to mind but-” He caught her pointed gaze and stopped himself. “No. Really?”

She gave a shrug, her attention now being sought by the guard ready to take her back to her cell.

“I’d say you were worried about the wrong couples tonight,” she answered diplomatically.

He let that revelation soak in while she was taken away and then realised the warden wanted to speak to him again.

“Will you be chasing after that villainous pair now? The Commissioner was willing to call in backup if you need it.”

“No,” he answered slowly. “Let the officers enjoy their New Year. Riddler never commits a crime without sending a warning. Best to wait for more information before racing off.”

“Quite right and sensible,” Crichton agreed with a nod. “In that case I best go fill in the relevant paperwork. If you’ll excuse me.”

“Yes,” Batman concurred before murmuring softly. “And perhaps even criminals deserve a chance at love on New Year.”

Luckily no-one heard him and he silently made his exit from the Penitentiary to return home, albeit detouring himself to see New Year in away from the crowds gathered at Wayne Manor. It gave him hope to think that two of his greatest foes might be softened by finding romance together, even as the idea of two men being in love was still an unusual concept for him. But he was not one to begrudge anyone happiness, so long as they did no harm to others.

Still, he didn’t entirely forget who he was dealing with and waited patiently the next day for some sign of either man back to nefarious dealings. It wasn’t too much of a surprise therefore when he got a call from the GCPD that an envelope had been delivered for the attention of Batman. Not a surprise but he would admit to some disappointment. Nevertheless he and Robin answered the call with their usual diligence, easily parking outside and dashing in the familiar route to Commissioner Gordon’s office.

He and O’Hara handed over the envelope with very serious expressions and Batman took it with due caution. Turning away from the law enforcement officers he moved with Robin to the window both for better light and an easy exit if the content proved dangerous. He shared a glance with Robin, easily conveying the warning to be on the alert, before slicing it open and drawing out the contents. There was only one item inside. A distinctive rectangle that resembled a postcard but Batman recognised its origins at once. It was a repurposed part of Penguin’s mayoral campaign material. The front showed Penguin’s proud looking face alongside the logo: ALL THE WAY with Pengy. Although most notably someone had added a large green question mark to it. It was with some trepidation that he turned it over but almost to his relief the back was simply a large scrawled YES in the same green marker. 

“Gosh,” Robin exclaimed. “What can that possibly mean?”

Batman hesitated, a faint blush lighting his cheeks beneath his mask, then managed an awkward smile for the boy as he patted him on the shoulder.

“Perhaps that’s a puzzle best left for you to solve yourself. When you’re older.”

Without offering any further explanation he then raced for the door and sent a prayer that whatever came next from the Riddler would relate to criminal activities rather than his romantic conquests. Perhaps the first time he’d wish for more crime but, unfortunately for him and Robin, not the last.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to LordRobotnik for beta reading and improving the ending


End file.
